3/5/2006
Today started off like any other day, decided to go to Publix and Moe’s. At some point on the ride back home John Mayer’s Your Body is a Wonderland came on. Now I used to like this song back when I was dating Jamie because we’d hear this song in the car on the way home and then go make out and that was fun. Obviously once we broke up I didn’t want to hear this song anymore but now liked John Mayer’s other songs about missing some girl that left and hoping she’d come back. I eventually got past that phase and tossed the CD to some deep dark corner of my car. Well the song came on the radio randomly (Rock 104… weird I know) and rather being bothered by it I wasn’t. I ended up digging out the John Mayer CD and putting it in and just as I did I came to my apartment so instead I drove around and drove around Gainesville. I skipped through most of the CD because all he does is whine about wanting some girl back and give in a little more trying to make the girls happy. I realized that I’ve been trapped in that situation for a whole bunch of my life, especially Jamie. I was stuck giving in to her hoping I could keep her happy but in the end that didn’t work. What I had to do is put my foot down, draw a line in the sand and make it a give and take rather then constantly give.
But in all this I realized that I was actually happy with my life. For the first time in a long time I wasn’t Monday morning quarterbacking and thinking “if I had done this differently maybe she wouldn’t have left” or over-analyzing other choices in my life. I realized I was just plain happy and life is wide open, learn from your past but don’t dwell. Look forward to what’s coming, not what has past. And a big one, you can’t make everyone happy all of the time, you just end up being unhappy yourself. I think the best motto is one from the financial world, “Always pay yourself first” but instead always make sure you’re happy first then worry about the rest. Because people come and go, but you always stay with yourself.
Well enough incoherent rambling on my part all that matters is that I’m happy. Now to try to scratch this itch I have… Girls come and go but I find I can’t seem to forget about Jeanne and now that I know she misses me and can’t forget about me, it’s time to try this again…. when she’s ready.
Filed under: Personal
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March 15th, 2006 at 10:13 pm
You need to listen to Tom Leykis.
May 8th, 2006 at 4:55 pm
it’s good to see you are moving on…